2010 - Dear Diary

I haven't been feeling well for the past week or so that's why i haven't posted in a while but I haven't been doing much really, just trying to survive, lol. But I've been on a whole rollercoaster of feelings because I have so many goals for 2010, but like its almost a month in and I haven't even began to complete any of them. I mean I think I lost a few pounds but that just puts me back to where I started because I gained holiday weight, but now that I've lost that I'm back to square one. And it's not just that I'm just fed up with school and not having money to get the things that will make my life worth wild. I need a digital camera so bad and I want to take pictures like crazy but the moneys not there for me to get one, :(. And idk I think it's just a phase but like I feel like when around my friends it's just a game and on the inside I'm slowly just disappearing and I don't really know who I am or what I want. And when other people have problems I have all the answers but it's so true that it's easier said then done. Like I know what I need to do but I'm just to lazy to do it or just to distracted to get to it. I need to work on so much stuff and I just can't focus because I so focused on what I've "failed" at. But honestly I just need to pray, that's probably why I've been going on such a rollercoaster, but sometimes I feel like God doesn't want to hear from me because I've got my proprieties all out of place. And then on top of that I just want the world to stop for a day so I can get my mind right, and people are expecting so much from me, I have to have 3 poem within the next month, and perform 4 times within the next month as well. And I still have a billion and one things to do for school, which I'm also sucking at because I have D's and C's and it's just not me. I honestly just want to give up. And what depresses me more is that I post this stuff and pretend that people are actually reading it and actually care which just makes things even sadder on my part. But idk it is what it is, I'll figure it out. Hopefully I can post something everyday like I've been meaning to... :)

P.S: Here's some photos I just love!!!